Welcome to a blog entry entitled "The Life of An Auntie: Grocery Shopping, Comparing Prices and Carrying Bags". In this short recount, readers will be effectively informed of the lives ordinary aunties are going through as they follow five teenagers into Sheng Siong Hypermarket at Little India to do some serious shopping. Through photos and matching captions, readers' awareness of the duties of housewives, maids and whoever who does the grocery-shopping will be greatly increased. Viewer's discretion is advised due to mind-boggling numbers (of prices), dirt (from dirty vegetables) and mysterious white powder-ish unknown substances (found on weird melons).
The five guinea pigs are the PJs, gearing up to get ready to purchase the food items and whatever else they need for the chalet BBQ on Sunday. Armed with a food list (which a pitiful girl was forced to type out) and a price list (that they obtained from checking prices in Cold Storage previosuly), they stepped into a poorly ventilated supermarket. What they did not know was the staggering amount of difficulties that were awaiting them, but no difficulties were unsurmountable for the PJs.
Introducing the cast,
Obstacle No.1: Finding the right bearings
Stef: Call it intuition or something but I'm dead sure Sheng Siong is just right in front of us!
Determining the correct direction may not be an easy feat, especially when you are confronted by narrow and dimly-lit passageways that never seem to end. An experienced and professional full-time auntie must be able to get her bearings instantaneously, even if she is in a foreign land. Because if you get lost, you waste time, and time is money. They won't want to waste money.
Auntie Rule No. 1: NEVER get lost. Even if it means bringing along compasses, maps and protractors to wet markets and to shopping malls, JUST BRING THEM.
Obstacle No.2: Choosing the right item
Me: We have this weird shitty looking paste here, and a bubbling green mixture there. Which one should we get?
It's every supermarket's marketing strategy to confuse their customers by displaying a wide array of similar products on the same shelf. Their agenda? To make you perplex to an extent you give up finding the right one, and get some of each instead.
Auntie Rule No. 2: KNOW what you want. Even if it means tasting and sampling millions of similar food products, plotting cumulative curves of the prices and creating sophiscated price charts to determine which product is the most value-for-money and taste the best, JUST DO IT.
Obstacle No.3: Getting your hands frozen
Tzumi: Stef, is that a piece of frozen meat that fell out of its packaging or is it your frozen thumb?
When choosing frozen products stored in freezers like the one shown above, do not just be concerned about the product you are choosing but your fingers as well. There have been notorious cases where desperate aunties dug into these freezers for better-frozen meat and had their fingers in these inhumane conditions for a long time. They got publicity though, when they appeared in the newspapers under the Classified ads for frozen body parts.
Auntie Rule No.3: KNOW when to give up. Even if it means bringing data loggers, thermocouples, thermometers and pulse-reading devices to determine your threshold, JUST BRING THEM.
Obstacle No. 3: Deciphering weird labels
The label reads 'COCK FIRE STARTER 40S'. It is of extreme importance that an experienced auntie must realise immediately that the label is not as good as it sounds. An informed auntie will realise that the so called "COCK" in the "COCK FIRE STARTER" is none other than...
The brand.
Auntie Rule No.4: SEEING ISN'T BELIEVING. Even if it means using microscopes, magnifying glasses and ripping open the packaging to make sure you are getting what you think you are getting, JUST USE THEM.
Obstacle No.5: Competition
Lishan: Eh, Jiapei, show your fighting spirit! She's grabbing your potatoes! FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
When you meet a fellow customer choosing the same items as you want, NEVER give way, because it means they have the upper hand to choose the better quality goods. You, my friend, will be left with nothing but leftovers that are stained with the person's fingerprints, to make matters worst.
Auntie Rule No.5: NO FRIGHT, JUST FIGHT! Even if it means pushing the person, poking the ribs and tickling the spine to get rid of the pest, JUST DO IT.
The Life of An Auntie: Grocery Shopping, Comparing Prices and Carrying Bags have come to an end. I hope you have had a great learning experience. With these handy tips, your grocery-shopping adventure can now begin.
-THE END-
Okay, watched Quantum of Solace before experimenting auntie life. It wasn't great. I didn't really understand the story plot. Perhaps my poor comprehension skills is to blame. But the action was laudable. Except that it is a typical hero story, where the hero never dies. Neither will he get shot. Maybe he will get injured, but never dies. The enemies' machine guns are not even comparable to the heroes' stone catapults.
PJ gave me a EXTREMELY CUTE and huge monkey soft toy for my birthday! Thank you thank you! Shall upload the pictures when I'm free. Signing off now.
Stef: Call it intuition or something but I'm dead sure Sheng Siong is just right in front of us!
Me: We have this weird shitty looking paste here, and a bubbling green mixture there. Which one should we get?
Tzumi: Stef, is that a piece of frozen meat that fell out of its packaging or is it your frozen thumb?
The label reads 'COCK FIRE STARTER 40S'. It is of extreme importance that an experienced auntie must realise immediately that the label is not as good as it sounds. An informed auntie will realise that the so called "COCK" in the "COCK FIRE STARTER" is none other than...
The brand.